Letters

I wanted everything for a little while. Why shouldn't I? I wanted to know what it was like, that feeling of love. You gave it to me so good. It was the breath in my lungs, it pulsed through my veins, flowed from my hand to paper in the form of poetry. I wonder if this greif will ever let me go. I feel like the king of sorrow.

You were foremost in my thoughts today. It was a day that brought it all about. It was just another day; nothing's any good. I suppose I could just walk away because I think I would have disappointed my future if I stayed. What am I supposed to do with all of these remnants of joy and disaster? I remember the battles we had. I fought hard and I am proud of myself. My thoughts are so random now, but I will put them here for you and everybody else to see in the order that they come.

I want you to know that I have feelings that are true and deep, and while I'm not crying everybody's tears and letting my emotions guide my interaction with life, I am doing something more that proves a greater sense of emoting. I was wiping your eyes and corraling the tempest of your heart. I kept the light on, the door unlocked, and the sheets warm for you. Sometimes I think that I know it all, that I have everything figured out. No surprises. But the reality is that I'm still learning, lost, and now lonely, lonely. I'm walking wounded, my heart heavier than my steps. I'm sorry I turned you out, that I sent you into the world alone with your things in your arms and nowhere to go. I wish I could cry because I know it would make me feel better, but I can't so I will write instead. I keep looking at my phone and hoping that I will get a message from you, a missed call with your name on the caller ID. I haven't, and I don't think I will.

I want you to call me when things get better, because they will. I have enough faith in you that you can pick yourself back up again and take the steps toward healing. I still love you and I probably will for a long time, if not forever.